Why do fireflies have to die so soon?

Why do Fireflies have to die so soon?
Do they die trying to teach us that beauty lies even in the inconsequential and is ever so fleeting?
Do they die trying to light up our blindness?
Why do Fireflies have to die so soon?

The ballad of Ranchu

He was born for great things, that he knew. What it was ,he did not know yet but he could feel it, he could feel it beating along with his heart in constant competition ,teasing and reminding it that Faith was just as important. The others did not understand, they were too content within the confinements of the “see-through” wall, for them it was the world and it was enough. For Ranchu, it was a prison, a prison that shrunk along with time. Sometimes he could swear that he felt the wall closing in and then the cold invisible hands of panic would choke him ,leaving him gasping for breath. The dreams of the world that lay beyond the wall haunted him and grew on him like a tumor.
The wall was a marvel,it could not be seen but it was there..cold and solid like reality . There were times when the fortification would vibrate ,as if awakening from a long deep slumber ,sending ripples of unadulterated excitement through his body and on excruciatingly rare occasions when the light from the “small sun” (inside)and the real sun(outside) embraced like long lost brothers,the wall would rejoice and mimic life of its own.Ranchu spent hours staring into the eyes of his ghost,sometimes with the playful pleasure of the young and unwanting, sometimes with the deep melancholy of a lover looking into the eyes of his beloved for the last time.It was hard to imagine that the humans had created such a wonder,but then again humans were capable of great things,evil things,the invisible prison stood testament to that end.

"sweet dreams" she said...

“In the land of Memory the time is always now. In the Kingdom of Ago, the clocks tick…but their hands never move.”



I dreamt of you again today… We are at a party, friends all around us, people dancing, drinking and just shooting shit , celebrating some mundane occasion I can’t recall.. And then, somehow, we find ourselves alone, just you and I. We are trying to make conversation, talking about nothing really..We don’t have to. Somewhere, very far away from where we are, the music plays on and someone yells and people laugh in response. I look at you and you just sit there smoking, lost in your own thoughts. You turn around suddenly and catch my eye for the first time tonight, I try to look away, feigning innocence, but I can’t. I look into your eyes, the world fades away. And for reasons I’ll never understand, you lean over to kiss me… I wake up.
I dreamt of you again today, the dreams are not so frequent now but they come and they still hurt….


"When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part"

Zorbing

(Definition:
zorbing noun
/ˈzɔː.bɪŋ/US pronunciation symbol/ˈzɔːr-/ n [U]
an activity in which someone rolls down a hill in a large transparent plastic ball)

Another sleepless night.Back hurts like a bitch and why wudnt it?How long have I been awake?Tried readin,cudnt do it! Tried sum crosswords,head almost exploded.Tried eatin even.Just feel bloated now.Being sober is such a pain ,isn’t it? Being sober gets you thinkin.And dat aint a good thing,cuz it gets you thinkin but it still can’t help you think straight. Its not like I’m sober by choice, I’m sober by reason…I just don’t enjoy trippin like I used to. When you do somethin long enough,it gets boring.Thats the “exit”cue, I think.
Now Im not THAT dumb either(its what I’ve convinced myself of).Sure,tripping was getting boring but dat wasn’t enuff to get me off it.No,I needed “inspiration” and ,damn, I got a shitload and an extra serving of just dat.In the days that followed, I got the shit kicked outta me by four guys (all high too)and ended up with a ruptured eardrum.It’s healed now but ,man ,my ego is FUCKED. Those pricks sure knocked the chip off my shoulder for real good.The trippin dint stop there tho, a few days later to commemorate the ocassion of being dumped (yet again) I carved two new “love” lines into my left palm cuz the one I already had wasn’t doing me any good!! How stupid can I get? I leave the answer to your imagination. Self pity is self destruction and I’m aces at it.
But comin bak to right now ,Do I miss the trips? Damn right ,I do…but I still have I life ive got to live (whether I like it or not) and although the pharmaceutique numbess and distilled dreams that trippin brings seems so alluring I gotta move on,achy back and all.Yea,yea,yea… “…but it’s a good thing to be sober ,etc ,etc ..so on and so forth”.I’ve heard it all before so stuff it.I’ll tell ya this..being sober is so fuckin overated.It’s just as shitty as shit can be.
Man,I wish those four dumb fucks were bak..maybe they cud beat me senseless this time……

relapse

So..we meet again,dear reader.I wasn't really expecting you back but i guess u're a glutton for pain...or mebbe just plain stupid.Well a burning candle attracts moths and shit attracts flies...either way u're here and i must confess i am pleased.Thank you for humorin me.No sarcasm there.I've gone cornier over the last few weeks (maybe i was already,but who the fuck cares?).It's true,we gotta go a bit bollywood sumtimes,keep our miserable selves happily disillusioned,bend over reality so much so we can kiss our own ass...cuz nobody else will do the job.Its a shitty job anyway.(cue)HA HA HA !! My attempt at a funny.
You ever had a lotta loose change in ya pocket? Ya know how they rattle about,i say rattle cuz jingle sounds too happy..now nobody wants to read happy shit..right? We all wanna know how fucked up the other person is...it makes us feel better about ourselves.Human nature!! We reap what others sow.Man,I get so derailed sumtimes,i forget the point I'm tryina make.Right,so the coins....yea..well i got a lotta "loose change" in my head...and they rattle about...and it's drivin me absolutely nuts.Its the noise. So many voices in my head,i can hardly tell which one is me anymore.Now,imagine a conversation going on in your head..u think ure talkin to yourself...and then another voice joins in..and then another,and another...and then its no longer a conversation..it's a fucking orgy.
Man, i wanna disappear(it's a phase i go thru every once a while,brain's menstrual cycle..i guess ),i got no clue where i want to be or what I'm gonna do,but i sure as hell don't wanna be here doin wotever the fuck it is i think i'm doin.Everything bores me..music,movies,video games even.I got so bored,i started this blog.Fucked up,right? Everythin is so black and white.Ya know, i think haven't felt happy in a long time. I mean really really happy... guess I've actually forgotten how that works.I dreamt big dreams and choked on them. Now sum smug bastard is probably living it ...and i think im caught in his nightmare.Great fucking deal huh? My dreams for your nightmares. You know what i think, Hell exists...and this is it ,right here,right now.
Aww...screw this shit..think i'm gonna go crawl into a hole.Mebbe i'll catch ya later !!!

tyrant heart

So, I was tryina write a piece the other night(yea,I need a life and if you’re readin this,so do you) ,I sat down ,tried to put together the constant jumble of words that seems to clutter my ..errm….well,my perspective. I mean …I did have a sliver of an idea on what I was going to write about but what I failed to realise was that some ideas sound so much better in your noggin than on paper (or in this case, the screen). So I went ahead and typed away.Big mistake. After I was done with it,I read it,re-read it, then re-read it again for a good measure and all I could think was “fuck” !!!You see, I was tryina describe something I could never fully understand.I think that’s the worst one can do,try to talk about things one has no clue about.I was fishing for words,coaxing them,bribing them with potato chips even. Man,When you gotta think about something to write ,its gonna come out soundin all constipated.That piece of crap probably stank all the way to Timbuktu.Thank God (if there is one)for small favors,thank God for the “delete” button,huh? What would I do without it.

Now I don’t wanna insult your intelligence by making you guess what exactly it was I was writing about.If you know me well enough,you’ve probably have an idea and if you don’t ,well, congratulations. Anyway,Point is ,it bothered me some not being able to write about somethin I wanted to,When it comes to stuff like that ,there are far too many ways to pen it down .Words are clever little bastards,arent they?Always on the tip of your tounge,but never really there.Right,so there I was, re-reading the crap I had just spewed,feeling a lil’ sick(I’ve always underestimated my talent for bullshit)and then it struck me,I couldn’t write about it because there was nothin to write about,that maybe,just maybe..I didn’t really care enuff and that all it required was one word to describe it. “over”. Just like that …It was that simple.

Speak no more, oh tyrant heart,

You know you’ve had your say.

Let the silence drown your voice,

'fore the echos carry your lies.

Be gone, oh tyrant heart,

You had your days in the sun.

Let the shadows hide your face,

‘fore I come undone.

15th August 2009

THE INDEPENDENCE FOOTBALL FINALS (siliguri), BEETH GENDA VS SHIV MANDIR

local futball finals(beeth genda VS shivmandir),cousin sellin tickets(5 bucks apiece),crowd sweatin,crowd gettin ruff,luks like rain,crowd diss'd,head hurtin,ass worse(no seats),special guests(ladies in saree) take the field,kick ball around,i choke,commentator comments,crowd cheers,crowd makes catcalls,cattle takes field,crowd wild,guy punches calf,crowd applauds,crowd burts crackers,monks join in,match still due
(took a break,wrote the first part)

went back to field,previous seat (rock) already occupied,Match begins 4 pm,saw only 8/10ths of the game , the other 2/10 ths of the view is blocked by jumping monks. During the half time,commentator annouces lottery results, small fight breaks out in one corner.Chickens join the field after half time, nobody bothers.Commentator silent during the entire match,except a couple of times when the spectators enter the field and once to warn the people squatting on the club roof that there is an electrical line behind them and that shud anything go wrong the club will not be held responsible.
match results Bg 1 - Sm 1,Bg wins in penalty shootout 3-2.

THE INCIDENTS AND THE COMMENTS THAT FOLLOWED :
1 )DURING KICK OFF:
"abo yahlow le jaadoo dekhaucha hai"
now the yellow (yahlow)team will show magic.

2)BEETH GENDA SCORES :
"keeeee meetho hali deo hau"
that goal was sweet!!

3)PLAYER KICKS AND MISSES BALL:
"yoh le chai chepara khaye cha"
this guy has eaten a lizard.
(i have no clue wot the connection was)
"yoh jhatha lai chai kina khelako?"
why are you letting this pubic hair (player) play?

4)KEEPER SHOOTS BALL,BALL DOSENT GO VERY FAR:
"laaa ehle tah aju bhaat khaye na kya?"
oooh,i dont think this fellow ate rice today

5)PLAYER SHOOTS OVER THE POST:
"tero laagi chai abo GOAL POSE maaaaathi po bannaunu hola ho?"
should we make a higher goal post for you?
"eh le bhaat besi khaye cha"
this fellow has eaten too much rice

6)BEETH GENDA PLAYER GETS INJURED:
"apuuuiii luuuuu,OYE RAFREE, eh le chai EKTING gareko hai"
ohhh see,YOU REFREE, this fellow is acting(ekting)

7)SHIV MANDIR EQUALISES:
"aamamamamam, yoh match chai GOD GEEF ho hai"
wow! this match is god's gift

"keeee meetho hali deo hai?"
wasnt that goal sweet?

"abo chai UURGEENOL mech suru bhayo"
now the original match (mech)has begun.

8)MATCH ENDS IN DRAW:
"abo chai PLANTIC huncha"
now there will be a penelty kick (PLANTIC) shoot-out

9)DURING PENALTY SHOOT-OUT:
"malai tah kosto chum-chum bhai sakyo"
i am feeling like i have ants in my pants

10)SHIVMANDIR PLAYER MISSES PENALTY:
"dubaaaaayoooo chutiya le"
the fucker has sunk the ship

"thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

iiiiiya"
i spit on you

11)GAME ENDS:
"amamamamamam , daaaaaaaaammmmmi bhayo MECH chai"
wow, the match (mech) was really superb