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So..we meet again,dear reader.I wasn't really expecting you back but i guess u're a glutton for pain...or mebbe just plain stupid.Well a burning candle attracts moths and shit attracts flies...either way u're here and i must confess i am pleased.Thank you for humorin me.No sarcasm there.I've gone cornier over the last few weeks (maybe i was already,but who the fuck cares?).It's true,we gotta go a bit bollywood sumtimes,keep our miserable selves happily disillusioned,bend over reality so much so we can kiss our own ass...cuz nobody else will do the job.Its a shitty job anyway.(cue)HA HA HA !! My attempt at a funny.
You ever had a lotta loose change in ya pocket? Ya know how they rattle about,i say rattle cuz jingle sounds too happy..now nobody wants to read happy shit..right? We all wanna know how fucked up the other person is...it makes us feel better about ourselves.Human nature!! We reap what others sow.Man,I get so derailed sumtimes,i forget the point I'm tryina make.Right,so the coins....yea..well i got a lotta "loose change" in my head...and they rattle about...and it's drivin me absolutely nuts.Its the noise. So many voices in my head,i can hardly tell which one is me anymore.Now,imagine a conversation going on in your head..u think ure talkin to yourself...and then another voice joins in..and then another,and another...and then its no longer a conversation..it's a fucking orgy.
Man, i wanna disappear(it's a phase i go thru every once a while,brain's menstrual cycle..i guess ),i got no clue where i want to be or what I'm gonna do,but i sure as hell don't wanna be here doin wotever the fuck it is i think i'm doin.Everything bores me..music,movies,video games even.I got so bored,i started this blog.Fucked up,right? Everythin is so black and white.Ya know, i think haven't felt happy in a long time. I mean really really happy... guess I've actually forgotten how that works.I dreamt big dreams and choked on them. Now sum smug bastard is probably living it ...and i think im caught in his nightmare.Great fucking deal huh? My dreams for your nightmares. You know what i think, Hell exists...and this is it ,right here,right now.
Aww...screw this shit..think i'm gonna go crawl into a hole.Mebbe i'll catch ya later !!!

tyrant heart

So, I was tryina write a piece the other night(yea,I need a life and if you’re readin this,so do you) ,I sat down ,tried to put together the constant jumble of words that seems to clutter my ..errm….well,my perspective. I mean …I did have a sliver of an idea on what I was going to write about but what I failed to realise was that some ideas sound so much better in your noggin than on paper (or in this case, the screen). So I went ahead and typed away.Big mistake. After I was done with it,I read it,re-read it, then re-read it again for a good measure and all I could think was “fuck” !!!You see, I was tryina describe something I could never fully understand.I think that’s the worst one can do,try to talk about things one has no clue about.I was fishing for words,coaxing them,bribing them with potato chips even. Man,When you gotta think about something to write ,its gonna come out soundin all constipated.That piece of crap probably stank all the way to Timbuktu.Thank God (if there is one)for small favors,thank God for the “delete” button,huh? What would I do without it.

Now I don’t wanna insult your intelligence by making you guess what exactly it was I was writing about.If you know me well enough,you’ve probably have an idea and if you don’t ,well, congratulations. Anyway,Point is ,it bothered me some not being able to write about somethin I wanted to,When it comes to stuff like that ,there are far too many ways to pen it down .Words are clever little bastards,arent they?Always on the tip of your tounge,but never really there.Right,so there I was, re-reading the crap I had just spewed,feeling a lil’ sick(I’ve always underestimated my talent for bullshit)and then it struck me,I couldn’t write about it because there was nothin to write about,that maybe,just maybe..I didn’t really care enuff and that all it required was one word to describe it. “over”. Just like that …It was that simple.

Speak no more, oh tyrant heart,

You know you’ve had your say.

Let the silence drown your voice,

'fore the echos carry your lies.

Be gone, oh tyrant heart,

You had your days in the sun.

Let the shadows hide your face,

‘fore I come undone.

15th August 2009

THE INDEPENDENCE FOOTBALL FINALS (siliguri), BEETH GENDA VS SHIV MANDIR

local futball finals(beeth genda VS shivmandir),cousin sellin tickets(5 bucks apiece),crowd sweatin,crowd gettin ruff,luks like rain,crowd diss'd,head hurtin,ass worse(no seats),special guests(ladies in saree) take the field,kick ball around,i choke,commentator comments,crowd cheers,crowd makes catcalls,cattle takes field,crowd wild,guy punches calf,crowd applauds,crowd burts crackers,monks join in,match still due
(took a break,wrote the first part)

went back to field,previous seat (rock) already occupied,Match begins 4 pm,saw only 8/10ths of the game , the other 2/10 ths of the view is blocked by jumping monks. During the half time,commentator annouces lottery results, small fight breaks out in one corner.Chickens join the field after half time, nobody bothers.Commentator silent during the entire match,except a couple of times when the spectators enter the field and once to warn the people squatting on the club roof that there is an electrical line behind them and that shud anything go wrong the club will not be held responsible.
match results Bg 1 - Sm 1,Bg wins in penalty shootout 3-2.

THE INCIDENTS AND THE COMMENTS THAT FOLLOWED :
1 )DURING KICK OFF:
"abo yahlow le jaadoo dekhaucha hai"
now the yellow (yahlow)team will show magic.

2)BEETH GENDA SCORES :
"keeeee meetho hali deo hau"
that goal was sweet!!

3)PLAYER KICKS AND MISSES BALL:
"yoh le chai chepara khaye cha"
this guy has eaten a lizard.
(i have no clue wot the connection was)
"yoh jhatha lai chai kina khelako?"
why are you letting this pubic hair (player) play?

4)KEEPER SHOOTS BALL,BALL DOSENT GO VERY FAR:
"laaa ehle tah aju bhaat khaye na kya?"
oooh,i dont think this fellow ate rice today

5)PLAYER SHOOTS OVER THE POST:
"tero laagi chai abo GOAL POSE maaaaathi po bannaunu hola ho?"
should we make a higher goal post for you?
"eh le bhaat besi khaye cha"
this fellow has eaten too much rice

6)BEETH GENDA PLAYER GETS INJURED:
"apuuuiii luuuuu,OYE RAFREE, eh le chai EKTING gareko hai"
ohhh see,YOU REFREE, this fellow is acting(ekting)

7)SHIV MANDIR EQUALISES:
"aamamamamam, yoh match chai GOD GEEF ho hai"
wow! this match is god's gift

"keeee meetho hali deo hai?"
wasnt that goal sweet?

"abo chai UURGEENOL mech suru bhayo"
now the original match (mech)has begun.

8)MATCH ENDS IN DRAW:
"abo chai PLANTIC huncha"
now there will be a penelty kick (PLANTIC) shoot-out

9)DURING PENALTY SHOOT-OUT:
"malai tah kosto chum-chum bhai sakyo"
i am feeling like i have ants in my pants

10)SHIVMANDIR PLAYER MISSES PENALTY:
"dubaaaaayoooo chutiya le"
the fucker has sunk the ship

"thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

iiiiiya"
i spit on you

11)GAME ENDS:
"amamamamamam , daaaaaaaaammmmmi bhayo MECH chai"
wow, the match (mech) was really superb