OPERATION "Fetch or Die"

DESTINATION : Kanpur

DISTANCE : 888 kilometers total

OBJECTIVE : Retrieve luggage left in train by cousin.

INVENTORY : 1.One bottle of water (not entirely necessary)
2.Two packs of Cigarettes (or according to your comsumption rate)
3.Three bottles of "(unprescribed) prescription syrup" (very important,carry as much as can be afforded)
4.Rs 1400
5.one equally optimistically oblivious buddy
6.Stupidity (lots of it)

TACTICS : Beg, kiss ass,bribe (in same order)


MISSION BRIEFING :Leave New Delhi Railway Station by 1600 hrs by first available train. Arrive at Kanpur Central at 2200 hrs.Drink Tea.Rendevouz with contact,code name : Station Master,at 2215 hrs.Collect all material.Hi-five Buddy.Celebrate victory by consuming "aloo puri".Leave Kanpur central by 2330 hrs.Arrive at New Delhi at 0530 hrs following day. Be showered with compliments and love by adoring cousin.

PLAN B :Jump out of running train, terminate self

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MISSION DEBRIEFING:2100 hrs 16.08.10
Left N.D.Railway station at 1630 hrs by wrong train(not cost effective).De-boarded Train by jumping off at Unknown location at 1700 hrs due to unforseen financial risks (Rs 1100 per person).Sorrounded by locals at location.Suspected of being "Chinese" nationals.Friendlies advise take local train to Gaziabad and board, code name : "Janlok", to Destination.Arrive at Gaziabad at approx 1830 hrs.Suspected of being chinese nationals again.Cannot confirm the existence of "Janlok".Information scarce due to language barrier.Friendlies advise board ,code name : Vaishali,at 2030 hrs to original destination.Team totured by native Culex pipiens (mosquitoes) for 2 hrs. Vaishali late by 30 minutes.Additional toture for 30 mins.Escaped Gaziabad on board "Vaishali".Realised Vaishali in control of hostiles and more Culex Pippens.Totured for 6 hrs,made to stand near toilet sorrounded by obnoxious nose picking hostiles.Medical assistance required.Hostiles demand compensation for transportation services.Negotiated Deal at 50 % by bribing.
Arrived at Kanpur Central at 0300 hrs (approx) following day.Team fatigued.Rendevouz with primary contact not possible.Secondary contact ill-informed of mission.Team on wild goose chase for 1 hr.Team morale very low,contemplating PLAN B.Neutral native provides sensitive information on goods although native suspects team of being "chinese" nationals once again.Goods location secured,team morale boosted for short time.Goods held at Secure location by local authorities. Nature of Authorities unknown.Confirmed authorities neutral although suspicious.Team debriefed,related events leading to mission to involved and uninvolved parties every 5 minutes,Access denied.Special "kiss ass" tactics deployed.Authorities not convinced but agree to deliver goods at 0700 hrs same day after key witness confirms.Team complies, set camp on concrete floor of location after surveying environment.Bedding unavailable,team use newspaper as mattresses.Team on stand-by.
Arrive at secure location at 0630 hrs.Key witness missing, no information on current position available.Team applies special tactics ,begging.1000 hrs key witness arrives.Team granted permission to speak at 1020 hrs.Explained situation. K.W sympathetic of team's cause.Hands over goods to after team produces proper identification. K.W advises team eat breakfast and evacuate area ASAP.Depature confirmed at 1220 hrs. Transportation arrives at 1330 hrs,occupied by neutrals.Transportation demands extravagant compensation,threatens to turn hostile if not complied with.Team deploys dual special tactics,"begging" and "bribing".Threat neutralised but available funds compromised. Team extraction sucessful but slow. Arrive at N.D. Railway station at 2215 hrs.Locals demand compensation for bearing goods, loading and unloading.Negotiated at 50 % . Available funds depleted.More capital required.HQ informed, okays financial request.Arrive at Base at 2300 hrs.Cousin unimpressed.Mission "Fetch or Die" Complete.

MISSION STATUS : COMPLETED
MISSION TIME : 33 hrs
MISSION COST : Rs 1450
CASUALTIES : 2 Egos,1 T-shirt,2 boxers,unknown number of Culex Pippens
POST MISSION OBSERVATIONS : Team members display an avid fear of trains and have temporarily lost their sense of smell.Acute improvement in bargaining skills.

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