Theres a storm coming...

The end or the beginnin of an end? Does it matter?? Really? I'd rather not give a fuck either-way..cuz either-way we're fucked anyway. As it turns out,there's been a lot of predictions sayin(or have said)come 2012, WE(the entire human civilization)are gonna go do the "Great gig in the Sky" or... to put it rather bluntly,We're Done! And since this feels way more "optimistic"...I think i'm gonna side up with them Mayans.Its the END of the world..and truth be told,I'm lookin forward to it.
If you've been followin this blog from the very start,I musta mentioned it a couple of times,that I'm waitin, for what ..I have no clue....but the feelin never goes away,this feelin that something's comin just gets stronger and more "urgent" everyday.Like a trapped rat,it's been gnawing my insides tryina rip its way out.It's almost like everything in my life has been leadin me to this and wotever it is,it's almost here.

And I, I just stand here waiting.....unable to move...as clichéd as a deer caught in head-light beams...and I wait..anticipating, fucked and scared shitless...but I wait.I'm pretty sure I ain't the only one who feels this....so if they say the world's gonna end...well... Hallelujah, maybe this is it,right? I could't care less,fact is.. I feel better when i think about it.
I'm not suicidal or mental (altho many have expressed their doubts), no,don't confuse it with that,this is just sumthin I have to look forward to cuz nuthin-else is worth the wait.I think the pointlessness of "everything", the very concept of "being" has finally got to me,this malady of emotions,this vicious loop of un-understandability...this fakery,FUCKERY ..well,sumone or sumthins gotta put an end to it.Sometimes,I think I've lost the will to survive,ya know,the ability to believe in a higher power,and I've most definitely lost my faith in humanity.I understand now that we are nuthin but a freak accident,a coincidence of colossal dimensions, no doubt about that.There ain't no-one lookin out for us,how can there be...when we don't even look out for each other? when we can't see past our own miserable selves?? We've failed to realize that the only "God" we could ever depend upon was the person standin next to us....and look at us now,look what we've done...we killed our brothers,raped our sisters and burned our parents.We wallow in hate and live in constant fear....and based on what? A few imaginary lines scribbled on a map,the color of skin,accents,customs,the amount of money we have? I played my part in this mayhem and it shames me...I've always known that.All accusations of hypocrisy...I accept.
Sure we're "Human" but we ain't "being" because "to be" is "to live" and we sure as shit ain't "living". We died a long time ago....we killed ourselves. What remains of us now is a hollow shell, a vague dream,we're breathin the dying breaths.
It ain't gonna be long...theres a storm comin.
I fucked up, you fucked up,we fucked up
....didn't we?

"Nevermore"

Upon the breast of crimson heaven,
as daylight be slowly forsaken.
Where only night dare threaten,
and light makes to hasten,
'fore the stars awaken.
'tween gray clouds lined with gold,
as Nyx's velvet robe unfold,
In songs and ballads old,
Of enchanted stories told
never flew a creature,darker or bold.
Took she,fancy of my sight,
(Oh ,stately messenger of plight !)
Soared down in rosy light.
Her plumes black as midnight
whispering tales of dark delight
In a whim she chose to alight,
Upon my broken door
Perched she 'ere for a score.
How long,I warrant be sure
still as a statue,a lifetime or more.
And as did my mind restore,
a certain "Raven" of Sir.Allen's lore,
whispered I to her "Lenore",
"Would thou be my Lenore?"
"From my dreams, did thou soar?"
Pearly black eyes she wore,
fiery gaze burned into my spirit's core.
Stumbled I, towards the burdened door.
"Pray, tell us then,why doth my heart feel sore?"
Sputtered I,
"Art thou, the Devil's Spore?"
Passions triggered,Silence shattered,
Feathers quivered,wings fluttered,
Talons clattered,eyes glowered,
(twin lamps flickered)
for an instant she teetered,
took to wing as I faltered,
flew o'er me as I muttered,
flew o'er me as I shuddered,
flew o'er me till i saw her no more.
And as darkness began to pour,
I stood alone,broken and rancor,
Thoughts fouled by the taste of gore
sour memories of my own "Lenore".
Questions echoed "What if and wherefore?"
And the winds....nay,
the winds of change sighed
"NEVERMORE".....

parallel lives : the long hard goodbye

Do I have to say the words?

parallel lives : here be dragons

Because you linger at the edge of Eternity,
I at the other end of Sanity.
Where Parallel lives cross
and X marks the spot,
always beyond my horizon,
always out of touch.

parallel lives : white noise

Will she call?
What if she does?
Will I let words get in the way?
If I do,what would she hear?
Would she hear, the serenity of a silent prayer
or be deafened by the cacophony of emptiness?
And what if I hold my peace?
Would silence speak for me?
Will she hear the skipped beats of my heart
or the crash and tinkle of shattered promises?
What will she hear?
Will she call?

The disorder diaries : trip around the sun

                       I started this about a year ago...well almost.Surprising isn't it ,how time goes by? Time...the worthy adversary,as old as fuck and as wise as the universe itself, and perhaps, the closest we'll ever come to "God".Time, the only thing the world has to offer and the only thing we cannot afford. Time, the bastard child of infinity, always ticking  and tocking as if counting (down?) to some cataclysmic oblivion  or  divine beginning or..... maybe ....well..nothing at all, who knows? Only time can tell ! Time,the greatest of levelers because sooner or later it catches up with you...doesn't it?
                                                    So where was I,before i started ranting about time? Right ! A (almost)year ago,I typed in my first entry.I hated it instantly. I read it and re-read it a million times.I couldn't comprehend, the words were in my head but when i put them down to effect,it seemed very ...well...unaffected.It was as if, what mirrored in my words was not me but a person trying to be me...and rather unsuccessfully, if i may add.I gave up trying to convince myself,hit Delete and put my literal aspirations aside.A few thoughts and several days later I realized that there was this corny part in me,the one that wanted to write poems,stories and passages about love,drugs,growing-up pains,mid-life crisis,heart-breaks,hopes and dreams, shit like that (mostly heart-breaks at that point of time,because I was going through a bad break-up) and to deny this corniness in me was to deny myself the satisfaction of well....whatever it is that I'm doing here.So i said "fuck it" and stepped right back into the ring.Okay,granted that I didn't ...you know...make like Will Shakespeare or Stevie King or J.D.frikkin Salinger or even anybody whose work has ever been published,it felt good. I got some good reaction...and although most of the people who read me are my buddies (so i guess it doesn't really count).....but like i said "fuck it", they (you) are the people i write for/to and if they're happy, so am I.Amen.
                                 And lo, here we are again Dear Reader.A year has come to pass (almost).I hope time has been kind to you as you have been to it.And as we come full circle and back to square one,I thank you for humoring me and above all,I thank you for your precious time. It's been real!!!
                                            So let the snare drums roll once again, dust your top hat and your three piece suit, twirl your baton and wave your banner. Welcome back to the parade.
                               Walk with me, Dear Reader,We have miles to go.

parallel lives : star crossed

"I like being miserable, maybe thats why I love you" ~ she

Your misery

So we drifted in perfect reverie,
living lies never meant to be.
Washed ashore by cruel epiphany,
I was misery
and you were company.

There in the kingdom of the blasphemes,
We built a castle from broken dreams
and here we reigned supreme.
I was king
and you were my queen,
of emptiness where our hearts should have been.

And we raised a toast to our house of cards
drank blood and wine of grapes of wrath.
Heady,we watched our lives fall apart,
wings denied even before a start.
Drunk on hate
so did we part.

So here again in my reverie,
along the jagged shores of memory,
time and tide broken by an epiphany,
I wear the crown of infamy.
For I am your misery
and you remain company.